Friends Let Friends Crash on the Couch

In your lifetime you’ve probably heard “the man” tell you not to do a lot of things. Don’t litter, don’t talk during the movie, don’t feed the wildlife, don’t play with matches; you can come up with more, I’m sure. Yes, it’s all sound advice, but the best part of life isn’t in the not doing, but the doing. At most, the “don’t” messages are good but incomplete.

Around the holidays the message is often “don’t drink and drive” or “don’t drive high.” There’s a solid reason for that message; in Washington about half of all traffic fatalities involve an impaired driver, even though most people don’t do it. Possibly the most famous of the impairment “don’t” messages has been “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Almost everyone agrees with that (as you’ll soon see in the data). But what does it look like to not do something? If we don’t let our friends drive impaired, what is it that we are doing?

In Washington we have an answer. In a recent survey conducted by Montana State University’s Center for Health and Safety Culture, most Washingtonians (81 percent) said that when they’ve been in a position to intervene, they’ve taken action to prevent someone from driving impaired. These actions are things like offering a place to stay for the night, calling a cab or rideshare, volunteering to be the designated driver, and whatever else it takes to make sure that our friends, and by extension all the other people on the road, are safe.

You likely agree with this premise (most people do), but might not feel like you’re the action-taking kind of person, at least when it comes to potentially uncomfortable situations. If you’re in a social situation where you think you should intervene, but you’re feeling some anxiety about taking action, consider that four out of five people in the room would do, or already may have done, exactly what you’re contemplating. Or said another way, if you take action to intervene, they’ve got your back.

Plus, the possible discomfort of redirecting the plans of an impaired person intent on driving is far outweighed by eliminating the risk that person creates on the road. Historically, in Washington there are less impaired driving fatalities in winter months than in the summer. The exception to that rule is December. Each year we see a spike in impairment-involved traffic deaths during the holidays. For many people, holiday traditions include alcohol and sometimes other impairing substances. Holiday parties are supposed to be fun, but if one of the party-goers doesn’t make it safely home, that’s not how it will be remembered. Yeah, the moment of intervention might turn out a little awkward, but an impaired person, by definition, is not in a position to make their own transportations decisions; they need your help.

There’s an upside for the intervener too. Researchers have found that altruistic behavior (acting in someone else’s best interest) is good for us. It activates the part of the brain that increases happiness, it builds social connections, and it may even help stabilize our immune system.

For all those reasons, I hope you’ll decide now that if you’re ever in the situation to intervene, you’ll be that friend. Friends plan ahead, friends help get a ride home, friends might even call 911 if the other options haven’t worked. And when you’re the host, friends let friends crash on the couch.